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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29506410">To Hold</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTrekkin08/pseuds/StarTrekkin08'>StarTrekkin08</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Love Confessions, Realization, Weddings, can't give too much away, may or may not have comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:08:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29506410</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTrekkin08/pseuds/StarTrekkin08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>To have and to hold.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Seven of Nine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Hold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>No beta. Quick post.</p><p>Quick one-shot I wrote in a notebook around February 2020 before I actually started dating my stories and was a newb to writing.</p><p>Set either during season 7 or post-season 7 in a possible canon-divergent AU.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everyone who was supposed to be in the mess hall to begin preparations was already there in their dress uniforms, except for one person.</p><p>“Have any of you seen the Captain? It is not like her to be late,” B’Elanna asked.</p><p>Chakotay, Tom, and Tuvok shook their heads.</p><p>“Computer, locate Captain Janeway,” Tuvok ordered.</p><p>‘Captain Janeway is in her quarters.”</p><p>“I will go and get her,” Tuvok told them.</p><p>…</p><p>When Tuvok entered the mess hall all eyes were on him after the long delay.</p><p>“Where’s the captain?” Chakotay asked.</p><p>“Senior staff, please come here,” Tuvok announced.</p><p>With wondering faces, they huddled closer to the Vulcan.</p><p>“The wedding will have to be postponed.”</p><p>Chakotay’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”</p><p>"It appears that Captain Janeway died in her sleep last night.” Tuvok looked at Chakotay and said, “Commander Chakotay, you are now the captain of Voyager.”</p><p>…</p><p>Chakotay and the bridge crew walked into sickbay and he went to Kathryn’s side.</p><p>“I’m sorry, commander, especially on a day like today. According to my data, she died approximately from midnight to one in the morning,” the Doctor said.</p><p>Still in their dress uniforms, the rest approached the body of their commanding officer. Tom took a medical tricorder and scanned her in a few sweeps. Chakotay took her ice-cold fingers into his palm.</p><p>“Stress-induced cardiomyopathy?” Tom asked to confirm with the Doctor.</p><p>“Yes, that is correct.”</p><p>“So you’re saying it was some kind of heart problem?” Chakotay asked softly.</p><p>“Yes. With her heart muscle. In layman’s terms: broken heart syndrome”</p><p>“Have you tried-”</p><p>“Yes. Too many hours have gone by. She’s gone, Commander,” the EMH said delicately. He could see the sorrow in their faces as they looked upon the corpse.</p><p>Chakotay just stared at her, clenching her limp hand, as if expecting it to move. He stared and couldn’t utter a word. He talked to her in her head.</p><p>The rest of the officers stood in silence until Chakotay spoke.</p><p>“I-I need to get back to the mess hall. I, um, I need to tell the crew.” With that, he walked off in a daze.</p><p>…</p><p>As Chakotay headed back to the mess hall, he tapped his combadge.</p><p> </p><p>“Chakotay to Seven.”</p><p>
  <em>‘Chakotay, what is with the delay? What is taking so long?'</em>
</p><p>“Seven, the wedding will have to wait. There’s been an emergency. Change back to your uniform and meet us in the mess hall. Have Sam help you.”</p><p><em>‘Understood,’</em> she said, with concern and questioning in her voice.</p><p>Chakotay knew where he was going because his legs were taking him along. However, his mind was a mess. This is not at all how he expected today to go. It was some kind of sordid joke or nightmare. The image of Kathryn was fresh in his mind. No, it wasn’t her. It couldn’t be. Kathryn was gone, her body a lifeless shell.</p><p>He made it to his destination and everyone stopped talking as he moved towards the front of the room near the cake table.</p><p>“I have to share some sad news with you all. Captain Janeway...Captain Janeway passed away in her sleep in the early hours of the morning. It is a great shock to all of us and myself.”</p><p>He paused.</p><p>“Due to this circumstance, the wedding will have to be postponed in order to allow time to mourn her passing. In a short while, I will ask the senior staff to meet with me to discuss the next steps. Thank you for your understanding.”</p><p>The crew started to talk in whispers and hushed tones.</p><p>Seven came in with Sam through the door and Chakotay walked over to them.</p><p>“What is going on?” Sam asked first as she looked around.</p><p>“The Captain is dead. She passed away this morning due to heart failure.” He looked at Seven and said, “I’m sorry, Seven. I’m afraid our wedding will have to wait.”</p><p>Seven nodded as tears formed in her eyes. “Of course.”</p><p>Chakotay gave her a drawn-out hug but he needed it more. “I’m just trying to process all of this,” he whispered and let her go.</p><p>B’Elanna came up to him. “Oh, Chakotay…” She gave him a hug and let go to face him. “This is not how I imagined you would ever become Captain.”</p><p>“Me, neither. It was Kathryn’s position and hers alone.”</p><p>Chakotay remembered when Kathryn mentioned shooting apples off of her head for Talent Night that one time in the shuttlecraft. She was laughing then. Not anymore.</p><p>He said to the room, “Senior staff to the bridge. We will give a ship wide announcement in five minutes and then meet in the briefing room.”</p><p>The senior staff walked together to the bridge. Some talked but he was not hearing the discussions, not really. Once there, Chakotay said, “Tuvok, please tap my combadge to the ship.”</p><p>“It is ready.”</p><p>“This is Commander Chakotay to the crew. At approximately 0100 hours this morning Captain Kathryn Janeway died of a heart condition. I hereby assume the role of captain of the U.S.S. Voyager until it can be officially recorded in the ship’s computer. This is a very difficult time for all of us. It will take us time to readjust and figure out our next steps. The Captain...the Captain dedicated herself to you and I on this ship. She is...was...a great friend and a great captain. Take time to grieve and look after one another in the upcoming days. We will update with any new information. Thank you. Thank you for everything. Chakotay out.”</p><p>Chakotay caught his breath to keep his emotions from fully reaching the surface. There was still work to be done.</p><p>…</p><p>The memorial was set up for tomorrow. Chakotay now sat in her ready room, dreading the screen in front of him. He clicked the computer and her face appeared.</p><p>
  <em>‘Hello, Chakotay. If you are watching this it means I am dead. It was either by some crazy firefight, by my own choice to save the crew, or just bad luck. I hate making and updating these things but it has to be done. I want you to have my historical and archaeological artifacts to add on to your collection-except for the Greek philosopher bust in my ready room. Tuvok likes it, even though he won’t admit it. That’s his.” She smiled. “You can keep <span class="u">The Divine Comedy</span>. You may need it in the circle of hell I have just thrown you in. My grandfather clock will go to the Paris’, whose quarters it would fit in perfectly. I also have a book on command for Harry. I have some pieces of jewelry to give to Naomi and Seven. Some will go back to my sister and mother. If I did forget to mention anything, I have the list in the drawer of my dresser. Everything else goes into storage for my family.’</em>
</p><p>She sighed.</p><p><em>‘I’m sorry I can’t be there with you and that I couldn’t get us home. Now, it is your job to get this crew-our crew-home, Captain. Please...do this for me. Remember the good times at the memorial service. Also, one last thing before I end this message. Chakotay…”' </em>She paused and he held his breath.</p><p>
  <em>'When I first met you, I thought you were someone who had a grudge to settle with the universe. I did not know how commanding with you would work out, but I had faith that it would work. Luckily, it did work out, and I’m grateful for every day you were by my side. I know I can...or could be... stubborn but you were never afraid to tell me when I was wrong. Our honesty defines who we are. We were not afraid to tell each other exactly what he thought or felt. Well, all things except for one. I couldn’t tell you that I loved you. I loved you for years. Sometimes I wished I didn’t because of how conflicted I would feel at times. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t captain. I think-’</em>
</p><p>She started to choke up and so did he.</p><p>
  <em>‘-That if the situation was reversed, I would want to know if I was in your shoes. So now you know, if you didn’t know already. I wish you the best and my love. Goodbye, Chakotay.’</em>
</p><p>The screen went black. Chakotay had his head buried in his arms as his body wracked itself in sobs.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p>Chakotay was still in tears when he woke up in his quarters. He immediately grabbed his combadge and sat bent at the edge of the bed. He closed his eyes in prayer and said,  “Computer, locate Captain Janeway.”</p><p>
  <em>‘Captain Janeway is in her quarters.’</em>
</p><p>He sighed out a shuddered sigh of relief.</p><p>It was just a nightmare.</p><p>After controlling himself, he tapped the combadge in his hand.</p><p>“Chakotay to Janeway.”</p><p>Kathryn questioned over the comm,<em> ‘Chakotay, why are you calling me at...one in the morning?’</em></p><p>“I just wanted to make sure you are okay.”</p><p>
  <em>‘Yes, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?’</em>
</p><p>“Did I disturb your sleep?”</p><p>
  <em>‘No, I was actually reading. I had trouble sleeping.’</em>
</p><p>“May I come over and join you?”</p><p>
  <em>‘Of course.’</em>
</p><p>…</p><p>He washed his face and didn’t bother to change. He practically ran over. The door to her quarters opened and Chakotay saw Kathryn curled up in her armchair with a blanket and a book. A cup of coffee was sitting politely on the coffee table.</p><p>She looked up at him and immediately put the book down and placed her feet on the floor. With a concerned look on her face, she said, “Chakotay, are you alright? What is it? What’s wrong?”</p><p>Chakotay took her hands and lifted her out of the chair. His hands remained on hers and he clasped them in his fingers. “I lost you and it was pure agony. Never again. I’m going to hold onto you, Kathryn. Forever and always.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This could have been Chakotay's wedding night, a few days before his wedding, while Chakotay was just dating Seven at the time, or even thinking of dating Seven. I leave it up to your imagination. ;)</p><p>If you noticed, the time for when he wakes up matches the time of what was her approximate time of death in his nightmare. Another reason for his extreme worry. &lt;3</p><p>I do not own rights to Voyager. That's all CBS/Paramount.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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